Democratic Theism

"Sir, I'm afraid you have slipped another six points"

"WHAT?"

The inner sanctum of the Most High Lord is not, by any meaning of the word, a quiet place. It could easily be described as solemn place, or perhaps, at a stretch, pensive, but it is not quiet. Due to its rather unique architecture, anything spoken from the central podium is amplified and reflected around the chamber, often for minutes at a time. This in itself wouldn't be a particularly big issue, if not for the endless chorus of angelic chanting that permeated the room. Non-angelics tended to avoid the room due to the rumours of cranial explosions from prolonged exposure. These rumours are entirely accurate.

Today, the bearer of unfortunate news is the archangel Michael. It is a job that he bears with thinly-veiled enthusiasm, as the sight of watching his boss fuming is well worth the headache he will get from the sanctum's cacophonous acoustics.

"Recent opinion polls from Terra Today indicate that you have slipped to 33 percent. Thor from the Norse party has overtaken you. He's currently at 37 percent"

"THOR? THAT ARROGANT UPSTART WITH THE HAMMER? WHAT IS HE DOING THAT'S SO POPULAR?"

"I'm unsure Sir. Gabriel's theory is that it's less to do with him GAINING popularity, and more to do with you LOSING popularity"

The scream that followed echoed for a full five minutes before Michael could hear his own thoughts again. The reprieve didn't last long.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'LOSING POPULARITY'? I AM THE LORD! I CREATED THEIR WORLD! I DESERVE THEIR UNENDING WORSHIP AND PRAISE!"

"Sir, that's exactly the problem. Every other candidate in this election has a much better party platform than you! Your main selling points are eternal life, but that's on the condition of worship and praise! By comparison, the Norse party platform has the 'Souls for Guns' policy, which they're promising will enhance global peace. That, and their 'Valhalla' afterlife plan has got everyone's interest. In short, they're offering a better deal"

"MY POLICY IS NOT OPEN TO NEGOTIATION! THEY ARE MY SUBJECTS, AND THEY SHALL WORSHIP ME!"

"If you don't do something grab their affection soon, they will soon cease to be your subjects, Sir"

"IMPOSSIBLE! THIS 'ELECTION' IS A SHAM! ONE DOES NOT VOTE FOR WHICHEVER GOD THEY PLEASE!"

"Sire, we've been through this a hundred times. According to Law, Law that YOU put in place, I might add, The moment you revealed yourself publicly to the Humans, you allowed them to either accept or reject you. Under those rules, any that reject your rule are free to choose whatever God they wish to worship. Since you failed to wipe out all the Old Gods out when you took power, they have a legitimate choice now"

"GET OUT! I WILL NOT BE CRITICISED BY A MERE ANGEL!"

Michael quickly spun on his heel and left the sanctum, a wide grin on his face, and headed out of the palace at some speed. The sound of breaking glass and infuriated yells echoed in his wake, only serving to widen the grin on Michael's face.

"I take it it didn't go well then?"

Michael didn't even break stride as Gabriel floated alongside him, matching pace with a somewhat concerned look

"Gabe, if it wasn't for the tantrums, I'd be getting you to issue the reports to Him. As it is, seeing Him get so worked up about this election is the best part of my day"

Gabriel's look turned from concern to confusion. "Why do you take such pleasure in His suffering? You ARE supposed to be the Guardian of Faith..."

Michael stopped, turning to Gabriel with an oddly serious expression. "Because I told Him of this very problem when he wrote those Laws. I pointed exactly this loophole out to him, but did He listen? OF COURSE NOT! Mr High-And-Mighty ignored my advice completely! and look where it got Him"

"So this is some sort of vindication for you? You're taking pleasure in the fact that you're smarter than Him, or you THINK you are"

Michael shrugged, and resumed walking "Something like that. Who do you think's gonna win the election"

"Honestly? I think Lucifer's gonna get this one once he realises how much leverage he's got with his 'Earthly Pleasures' platform. He's just been taking the wrong angle with it. Instead of playing up the bloody sport and mayhem, he should be going for the Porn. Humans love Porn."